Actual Final Public Postpartum Thoughts
I’m a first time, single (by choice) mom to a 2 1/2 week old baby girl. I’ve never thought of myself as a super emotional person, but I’ve been a mess over the last couple of weeks. I cry when I think about her growing up. I cry when I think about how she’s already changed and I’ll never see her at her past self again.
My mom was staying with me for the delivery and post-delivery to help out, but we starting having issues after my daughter was born. She was constantly around - to the point where I felt like I wasn’t getting any/enough alone time with my daughter. I asked her to give us space a few times, but it got so bad that I had to ask her to just go home after about 2 weeks. I feel super guilty about that.
But more so, I feel like I “lost” the first two weeks of my daughter’s life because my mom was around so much. I mean… I was here and I spent time with the kiddo, but it didn’t feel the same as it does now that it’s just the two of us here. It makes me both angry and sad - like I’m in mourning for those weeks.
That being said - and this is going to sound terrible - I am feeling a whole lot better now that it really is just the two of us here. Mom left 4 days ago and every day I feel better and better. The kiddo and I are spending a whole lot of time together, just the two of us. I feel super guilty that it took me kicking out my own mother to get to this point, but knowing that I really needed to concentrate both on my daughter and my own health makes me feel a whole lot less guilty.
The kiddo and I have gone out for walks. (That is, we walk when it’s not super disgusting out. It is August in Virginia, after all.) We even went out to dinner with friends last night. (She was sequestered in her stroller.) And today, the kiddo is experiencing her first D&D campaign (via Google Hangouts). Life is starting to feel like (a new) normal… finally.